There comes a point in our life where we have to make a choice. Which way do we go? We can stay on the same familiar path or we can take a risk and step into the light. It may be blinding at first, but where there is light, there is growth. And there is love...self-love. And I think many of us stay in the dark and hide behind the walls we've created because we do not think we are worthy of more. And we fear the unknown. But I can tell you that I will take the road less traveled any day because I have only just begun to truly live and am not going to ever go back to the old way.
I know that I was born to grow and lead. I was not created to be an accessory in someone else's life nor was my life designed to take on someone else's burdens and carry them as my own. But we do. And I did. And I was asked recently why did it take me so long to change my life? My response was, "I thought it was the right thing to do...to stick things out...that things would get better...that I wasn't a quitter." But what happened was a part of me died over the years because I was surrounded by takers. People who thought the world owed them something. And I thought I could be the change. If I loved enough, showed enough compassion, and turned the other cheek to envy and jealousy, I could make them look at the world differently. But what I didn't do was create boundaries. I let people walk all over me, take advantage of my kindness, and I was left feeling drained & used. And then I started resenting people who I felt constantly "wanted" something from me. Or to people who didn't really see the real me. And what I didn't realize until now is that I didn't know a thing about boundaries. This video from Brene Brown speaks to my soul.
We can be generous and compassionate without being taken advantage of because we can choose how we exert our energy. And I gave away my gifts of love, kindness, and compassion to people who were never capable of receiving them. But now I am filling my cup back up, reclaiming the gifts I have been given, and I am taking them with me on a new path. And I am not going to lie. It was a brutal awakening. I had to get angry recently and hit rock bottom to realize that I was becoming something that I didn't want to be. A friend recently said, "I am so sorry that there are people who took your joy and the light you once had. And the Natalie that you were." But the thing is, joy is an emotion that no one can take from you because it is within each of us. We can only keep ourselves from experiencing it. I had to seek help and realize that I've had it all along, but it's up to me to allow myself to feel it and give myself permission to live in the light again. No one can take that power from you...unless you let them. And I did. But no more. And you don't have to either.
So on to my last thoughts...I have had people tell me my whole life that I am intense...but most people tell me that is what is so intriguing about me or motivates them to change their life. But I am aware that there comes a time where we have to wind back down from the storm we have just been through. And there are only certain people that can come along with us on that journey. And that is ok. Whoever is supposed to be there along the path or at the end has already been hand-picked by God. So I am going to get out of my own way and take a new path, one that I no longer care to plan out in my mind, but one that just allows me to be present and just live again.
So when you find yourself at a crossroad and you ask yourself which way to go...trust that you already have the answer within. And let God show you the way.
Peace be with you on your journey.
Xo,
Natalie Rene