Three years ago this year I took a chance on me again. I originally thought this was selfish because we as moms build up in our minds that any time away from our kids is somehow denying them our time. But it's the quality of time that is important and how can we feel fully present without energy and self-love? How can we be a role model if we are not happy in our own skin? And so my transformation began. It started off as physical...then came the emotional hurdles of self-doubt and trusting the process that health and fitness is not a quick fix but a series of small changes that will add up to big results. And then came the spiritual because that is truly our everything. And from all of these changes, we start to emerge into a new person. We then start to look at the world around us differently...our jobs, friendships, relationships, and just life. And we realize we want more. And that we deserve more.

What I know for sure is that the last three years have been marked with ups and downs and moments that I would never change regardless of the pain because they were shaping me into the person that is emerging right now. God had a lesson for me. And no matter what has happened or who was a part of it...the lesson was only for me. It was never about anyone else, it was about who I was destined to become. And I can now see that more clearly than ever. In fact, I feel like my eyes are wide open.

I have lived out my truth. I have been honest. I have been vulnerable. And I have always been real. No facade. No games. I have not done it perfectly, but I have done it in true faith. And that is enough for me to be ok now.

I look into my girls eyes and I see love, comfort, and trust. Even though they have lost a grandpa, watched their mother mourn her dad, saw their parents separate and divorce, and moved to a whole new city and life, they still saw strength in me. And if that's the summation of all the heartache and pain I've endured, then my will has been done.

And so as I close this year, I am saying good bye to things lost and past, but I am saying hello to new moments, adventures, and opportunities. And I will only be seeking that in which strengthens me and lifts me up.

This is my prayer for all of you. You matter. You are a different. You are someone's light. Always remember that.

Xo, Natalie Rene